Monday, August 29, 2005
a thank you
ok before i say anything i would like to formally thank all the people that remembered and that wished me a happy bday, so thank you:
Eldon, Song, Ming, Sean, Chai, Pris, Nat, Janice, Maddie, Amanda, Rudd, Dom, Aza, Han, Charmaine, Denise, Ah boon, Edric, Andy, Chen de, Marcus, Erin, Sue sue, joey (big sis), Marla, Josh Jeev, Krys and Tiff, Ryan, Mama, Godpa, Uncle Alex, Aunty bets, Farhan, Jerry, Ray, xing xing, Surac, Tony, Des, Spence, Garence, all the other PNS guys (wow..theres alot of peeps...) My sis, mum, dad, ...and everyone else that i've forget to mention coz there's just so many people..wow..thanks guys. It means a lot to me.
on sat night, (the eve) i was actually just planning on having a chill night. Landed up going to the lazy lizard to hang out with a buncha of peeps. Instead of having a low key night of just one beer. It started to become a glass, a pint, a couple of pints and a couple of beers. Jeez, those dam drinkin games got the better of me. It was wonderful, coz it wasn't as crazy as going out to a club and just going buck wild. However it was cozy and nice. I guess i had the bday blues coz i was kinda upset about the past and also having thoughts of loneliness, i had doubts on whether people would come out with me yet alone wish me a happy bday. (thanks to my lazy lizard pals, it was fun)
Then came sunday, off course i had gotten back late from drinkin and chata (cheese prata). So i only had about 2 hours of sleep. I promptly woke up at 6.30am, and with a bad hangover and 4 panadols. I was determined to run that entire 10 click. To run my hurt away, as well as doing it for myself. (personal reasons). I have to say running on the beach is awesome but absolutely tiring. So i came in first amongst the rest of the guys from my station, except the competetition participants (good job ben). So i was amazed that i ran the 10km in exactly 1 hour and 6 minutes. I didn't faint or pass out or give up. So i was proud of myself. Then i spent the rest of the day on the beach swimming and playing vball on the beach. Off course i had to oogle at abs(my crush). Then came home early to take a short nap before meeting edric for dinner at brew-werks. Yummy! the dinner was fuckin good, big burgers, a fresh salad, and a tall tasty beer. Perfect! Eldon and sean bought me tenacious d. I was overjoyyed, an excellent gift and i really really wanted to get that cd. Thanks guys, i really appreciate it. Ended the night off with some computer gaming with the boys (yes i'm a geek). So yup, not overly crazy but very meaningful bday gone by. And this year i'm just grateful to have the people that care the most around me. Because without your moral support, care and love i wouldn't be here today. thanks guys...it means alot to me.....
bradass at 8/29/2005 09:18:00 PM
Saturday, August 27, 2005
a birthday wish...
its weird, i am 1 day away from my bday. i just dont feel the urge to celebrate. just feels like another day. another day in misery. so much of me hopes you would call or maybe msg me and say something. But until now, there is a silence. Your ignorance hurts. You've cut me off like an amputated limb. its like you dont even care. its hurts. out of all the people in the whole wide world, i wished i could've spent my special day with you, just you. More so it doesn't seem like a day to celebrate but a reminder and a benchmark to remind me of my pain. that its been 8 months and 28 days since you've broken my heart. WHY ? WHY did you have to hurt me this way? why can't i get outta this fuckin rutt? Tmr is my 10km charity run. I'm gonna run every single centimetre of that run, not to be garang or for bragging rights. But this one is for me, to push my limits, to run my pain away. I'm running my pain away, until my aching body gives out and my legs break off from under me. I'd rather hurt somewhere else than in my heart. I'm lost without you, you don't even acknowledge me online...it cuts deep. no words can describe the feelings and joy you brought me, no one can ever understand what you meant to me. When u broke my heart on that rainy new year's morning, it was like you abandoned me in an empty field to die. I hate my birthday, its such a terrible reminder. And no matter how much my heart wishes you were here lying next to me on my special day, or sitting across from me at the dinner table or holding my hand to cut my cake, there is a lonely silence. A cold, painful dying silence. I wouldn't have minded spending tmr with you ...but i guess thats just another lost dream........just you ju.....just you..
bradass at 8/27/2005 11:10:00 AM
Friday, August 26, 2005
shallow-ism
people are dumb. its sad how people assume the worst in others as oppose to seeing the goodness in them. Maybe i'm just overly optimistic. But its ridiculous. It saddens me to know how shallow and dumb some people are. Trust, its an amazing thing. An unseen hope and faith that is placed upon someone. You can loose trust in someone so quickly and yet it takes a billion things and years to build it back up once it has gone. Its time i re-evaluate the people i can trust and the people i should actually give a shit about. sad...how it has come to this...but fuck it. oh well. I dont have much love for these people. and you might probably be questioning your integrity of whether you might be one of those right about NOW, after reading this entry. But hey, its not about what i say or whether it matters, its about what you do to others and what you say that really fuckin counts. so i saluate all you honest people, and i spit on all the rest of you silly mutha fuckers who think otherwise....
bradass at 8/26/2005 07:28:00 PM
Thursday, August 25, 2005
made in the 80s
The beat thumps through her body. Sweat starts to bead on her forehead. The lights beat down on her face and her curvaceous body. Her perfume permeates the air. Her body moves so seductively with the music. She’s holding her drink in hand. Coordinating her drinking somehow with her dance. Its amazing. ( I love you abs ) …Internal nickname for someone I have a crush on.
I love the atmosphere of mambo. Its amazing. The people, the crowd, the music. This morning was a lil tough for me. Had to wake up and get my ass to work. As soon as I came in the auditorium for the meeting, one of my sir’s turned to me and asked me whether I had fun last night. I was puzzled how he knew what I had did prior the night before. Then he said, here’s a mint coz you smell like booze. My scent gave me away. Thank goodness he saved my ass coz my boss soon came in after to talk to me. And with minty fresh breath and a hangover I promptly responded to my boss and her questions before the meeting started. Phew! I look so miserably ragged out today, unshaved, booze scented, fatigued, and slow.
I ran into so many people last night, its ridiculous, however I’m gonna sum things up with a short report,
Suzie – you’re a bloody JC school clubber to the max.
Pete – well need I say more? cool guy, just needs to work on being more real.
Kai liang – cool kid. It was awesome dancing and screaming to the music with the kid.
Very animated facial features.
Pat – looking good for a broken hearted chick. Yes, its ok to drown your sorrows. Cheers. You’re a tigress, time to hunt on some male prey…haha.
Pat’s friends – I don’t judge anyone under dark lighting in clubs, however decent looking I guess. But I would like to seem em’ under proper lighting.
Amanda – Love the sequenced band on your wrist, kinda glam punk rock. Purple top…bangin babe, just bangin. Haha
Sarah – fed me a beer for some unforeseen reason. Very sweet of her, in a drunk way I guess. Haha.
Sarah’s really tan friend – what in god’s name was she drinkin, coz that shit was fuckin nasty and strong. Bleh. And she was trying to feed to to me too. Yucks.
Tim tan – always a pleasure hangin out with you buddy. Plus the prata hit the spot man!
Abs – I’ve been thinking about you ever since I’ve seen you. There is no girl in this whole world who has a body better than yours. Your sexy, down to earth and cute. I love you! Hahaha
For somewhat reason, I thought my clubbing phase was over. I had clubbed and partied in AZ so much, and it started to get lame. I went to clubs for the sake of getting smashed and to be with my friends. But for somewhat with mambo, I find myself really enjoying the music and getting more addicted to the atmosphere and the experience. Its different compared to most clubbing experiences I’ve had in the US. However nonetheless, it was wonderful last night. Thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it. Oh yes, I nearly forgot to mention that Adeline look so much like my ex. My god, it brings the question of how drunk was i? Was it really my ex or was it just Adeline? Hmm..i have no idea. She dances the same way my ex dances, she has the same dimples and everything about her reminds me of her. Jeez..it kinda freaked me out. haha. Anyways its cool I didn’t really pay too much attention, just had my own fun. Oh and jieren msged me earlier in the evening when I got to the club. Its really nice to have friends that actually care and think of me. It warms my heart to know that she cares; she’s like an angel that keeps in check with me. Thanks ren. And no, there wasn’t any girl to talk to, and yes I’d rather be msging you than talking to random strangers, your friendship means so much to me, you’ve always been there for me, esp when it was really bad. Thanks. Ending off my mambo session entry….i can only say ….whoa oh oh oh ….square room….
bradass at 8/25/2005 06:12:00 PM
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
early breakfast
its late..i'm hungry
i raid the fridge...ah ha ! orange juice....i look around ...ah ha ! frosties....
what the hell! i have a bloody breakfast meal ensemble ...so much for an early breakfast eh?
yum yum ..and nite nite
bradass at 8/24/2005 01:18:00 AM
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
mom took a shit...and i came out !
That time of the year has arrived again.
I don’t know whether I was ready or not. But nature had to take its course and force me to move on. I had to part with my wonderful mommy and be on my own. So on the morning of the 28th Aug. I was born.
It’s so funny how some people have so many different opinions about the importance or insignificance of a birthday. In my life, I’ve come across people who don’t bother about birthdays, and the exact opposite of that. To think that I was born into this world, to learn and experience things, Heartbreaks, love, joys, friends, things, relationships and family. I have no idea how to spend it. Should I make a big deal and go out to celebrate? I’ve always viewed my birthday as just sitting at home and cuddling with the person I love most. Last year was my 21st, hence I got sloshed hammered. But she came over the next day to hang out with me and cuddle. This year, I don’t have anyone anymore. So I’m thinking of doing something fun instead of sentimental. (akon – Mr.lonely)
Its working out to my advantage that I’ll be on sentosa, beach that very day. (charity run, 10 km) It’ll be great I guess. There are few things that bring me close to my inner peace, and the beach is one of them. However, do I wanna spend my entire day at the beach? It’ll be like every other Sunday to me. Sheesh! I have no idea.
I wish I had my old buddies from the states with me. Trav.c would wanna go to dos gringos with greg and the boys to get hammered. Trav.s would be there too. Charlie would wanna go to the strip club. Yujin would wanna go to axis with the Taiwanese chicks. Kyle would wanna smoke up so much that I’ll be high all day long. Andrew would wanna smoke then go eat at in and out! Kristen would be all cutey pie and giving her asian lover boy (me) a kiss kiss on the cheek. Sany would be talking about how old we’ve all become coz I’ve known her and trav.s since we were in freshmen college. Jeff would be calmly and cooly pleased with being at the party. Pam would be so busy helping my mom in the kitchen or helping out somehow. Holly would have her chick-a-dee pals over to keep her company. Jen would throw a surprise bday party for me. My parents would be exstatic that their son is now a 22 year old man. Sigh.
Well my dad is coming next week, so I’m really excited. Talk to holly on the phone last night, had some fluke timing too. She was getting ready to go to her first day of school, coz the semester is starting for her too. It was great, I miss my lil sis. It was just awesome goofing on the phone with her. Dad called me later on and we had the usual “fuck this and that” conversation. Some people even thought I was talking to my best friend on the phone. Haha. But yes, I’ll probably be taking leave next week so I can hang out with my dad. It’ll be cool. Plus I think he’s gonna spot me some for a new DSLR!!! So if I do get the cam, there’s gonna be a lot more pictures, coz I wanna brush up my photography skills. Sweet…..
bradass at 8/23/2005 10:19:00 PM
plans this week?
i've never met anyone who doesn't like music...(random thought)
her semester starts today, first day at the new school. somehow or rather it sucks ...somehow all roads lead back to these hurtful memories that i'm trying to get over. i hate myself for loving you. sigh. i hope time will heal these wounds and wash this hurt away.....
ok enough bad memories and wallowing about my ex breaking my heart bullshit ! ...its bday week...need to assemble a plan! a lil mambo? a lil wala? a lil china black? a lil cocolatte? i dunno...what i should do ? get hammered? i'll probably land up sitting on the couch watching t.v...sad la....oh well ...we'll see...hopefully it will be an awesome week...
bradass at 8/23/2005 12:12:00 AM
Monday, August 22, 2005
snooty remarks
i've uploaded the pics for snooty, for those snoots that want more pics, please email me or get a hold of me so i can send them to you via msn or something.
it was a fun filled night, to keep things short:
the venue was lovely, except figuring out how to get to the car...right sean?
drinks were awesome. i love a good scotch and a cigar.
sean - ridiculously pimp with the suspenders.
eldon - what can i say, the big man loves his cigars and not bad for a cute date too.
glen - his snooty virginity is gone. muahahaha
song and euge - brings warm feelings. a loving and cute couple. ahhh...love..
amanda - the lil black dress thing...ouch babe...its hot
janice and rudd - it was very cool for the kid to come all the way down from seattle. cool guy. janice out did herself with the timtams. thanks although i'm not a big fan of chocolate.
nicole - dont really know her. however nice to always meet new people.
natalie - second time hanging out with her. seems to be very intelligent. shes pauses before she talks...she thinks before she says something....its a good thing.
faith - my gosh, after reviewing our snooty shots, shes really really photogenic...dam..she really reminds me of a younger version of my pal sue.
well i guess that sums up another successful snooty night. i'm glad....
bradass at 8/22/2005 01:48:00 AM
Snooty Night 2 (click to see)
bradass at 8/22/2005 01:31:00 AM
Saturday, August 20, 2005
a tribute
you've never left me alone,
you keep me company in good times and in bad.
i savour you so much
you mean so much to me,
your tall, sexy, dark, and i love tasting everybit of you.
your so seductive, how could i possibly resist you.
i think of you all the time,
and all i want at the end of a long day,
is just to be with you.
you've seen me at my best and you've seen me at my worst.
you mean so much to me.
so before i end off and leave, thank you.....
a tribute to my beautiful tasty guiness draught....mmmm...yum yum
bradass at 8/20/2005 08:54:00 AM
Friday, August 19, 2005
stress? nahhh...take a mambo a day and it'll go away..
finally the end of the week has arrived. i'm so overworked till i have stomach flu yesterday. can't believe it. then on top of getting a 3 day MC. my boss calls me and wants me to come into the office today. no immunity what-so-ever. somehow or rather i'm getting sick of being in NS. A completely redundant obligation. sigh.
brought jade and lee to mambo on wed. they loved it. it never ceases to amaze me how so many good looking people just crawl out of the woodwork on a wed night. Its like suddenly a horde of pretty girls and good look guys just appear out of no where. weird. So after a couple, namely 12 jugs of vodka mixes and a couple beers. everyone was sloshed. everyone looked the same. lol. but never-the-less i had fun. went for a cheese prata, lee's first experience. it was lovely. thanks for the suggestion manda. then went home after and passed out. woke up in the morning drunk still. its amazing going to bed hoping the alcohol will wear off and leave you alone, however to my astonishment, my cheeks were still rosy and i still felt tipsy in the morning while brushing my teeth.
then last night, i decided to do the usual, walas, and see my wonderful wife, shirlyn from the unexpected. They played beautifully and even had a jam session for some guy who just became a father. it was awesome. came home and went to bed....and here we are on a friday. being as 'sick' as i am, i still have to stroll into work. this sucks.... ok. gonna grab a lunch and gonna head back to work....
bradass at 8/19/2005 12:01:00 PM
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
a quickee
ok its late and i still got plenty of work ...so here are my random thoughts in short.....
i want a velcro wallet, but am i too old for it?
my leave has been unfreezed, possible birthday holiday treat to myself? hmm....
too much work...please help
sunny sentosa ..awesome...good idea gilly...
snooty night coming up....which tie should i wear? red or green? hmm
new cellphone...maybe?
10km run or keng?
need to go over and say bye to pris..
i'm thinkin of something cold, wet and tasty....i love my guiness....
walas on thurs?
ok back to work ....sigh ...hopefully i can finish ...sigh
later guys
bradass at 8/16/2005 12:27:00 AM
Sunday, August 14, 2005
so much of it has passed
i've missed so much about you...
the little things we shared.
the small things we did.
there very fact that you even laughed my jokes.
you stole my heart away
your dimples
the way you pinned your hair
the way we use to nuzzle our noses.
your loving big brown eyes that would enchant me.
your soft skin
your stubborness that became so cute
the dreams we shared and idealistic notions to life we agreed on
the way you kissed me
the tender hugs that you held me so tightly and close to you
how you would sit beside me and rub my back when i was upset.
the way you said "baby" when you called me
your cute snores when you lay soundly asleep
the way my tee shirt would look on you.
our secret nicknames for each other.
how you would fall so perfectly into my arms no matter what.
the way you would find comfort in my arms
the way you could tell i was tired and needed to take a nap
so much of these things i miss. and it has faded away and left me. but yet somehow it comes back and captures me. your ghost haunts me. your love still resides in my soul. my heart aches. so much time has passed and yet i still find myself aching. how is it possible that no matter how hard i try, i can't gather the courage to hate you for leaving me broken.
i wish i was stronger, i wish i was meaner or more vindictive. its so sad how its crumbled to this. we don't even talk anymore. we use to share our every emotion and feelings. and its so sad how it has dwindled down to nothing. Sometimes i sit alone thinking of you, what you might be doing this exact moment? what you might be thinkin or feeling? but so much of me just can't gather the courage to talk to you or even face you. How do you face the person who took you love away? how would i be able to hold back the tears?
there isn't much i can do but just let time drown these painful memories. to let the strong taste of this glass of whiskey drown away my pains. to just fade into the back and be in solitaire. well i'm tired and its late, and i'm going to go rest my head. sweet dreams folks. and good night wherever you might be. i miss you....
bradass at 8/14/2005 03:10:00 AM
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Steve Nicks - if you ever did believe
You've left me now
and it's seasoned my soul
And with every step you take,
I watch another part of you go...
I continue to build a wall...
You were so strong,
I fell to my knees...
And I don't think I can handle this at all...
One more night I'd like to lie and hold you
Yes and feel...
To make you smile,
I'd like to be there for you
Have you forgotten me?
And the days go by
Doing nothing about them...
How much time
will I have to spend?
My mind won't rest
and I don't sleep
Not even in my dreams...
If you ever did believe,
for my sake...
If you ever did believe....
baby don't leave me
I'm down on my knees...
begging you please...
baby don't leave me....
Did you ever believe?
bradass at 8/11/2005 11:33:00 PM
where have they gone?
People are so ridiculous and shallow.
Cute/hott girls love assholes
You do something good, it’s unappreciated
You try to help; you land up getting screwed over
Finally when u wanna commit to something, the other half tells you she/he isn’t ready
You be nice to someone, they’re mean to you
Smart people get stupid jobs
Stupid people get the best jobs
Undeserving people get the best amenities. (a car)
You fall, someone laughs
Do something wrong, and it’s in the spotlight
Your social factor is proportional to your car price
You’re only wonderful when u have something to offer me
Where do the decent and good people go? The more I view it, the world is filled with more assholes and lousy people than I can count. I’m not saying that I’m an angel, cause I probably have my assholic tendencies. However I seem to feel cheated more so than fulfilled. They need to create posters and campaigns to make people better. Or parents need to shape up their act. I dunno, if you’re a good person, drop me a line. I wanna meet good level headed people. Where are u guys?
bradass at 8/11/2005 11:10:00 PM
broken
It falls thru the air, gliding ever so elegantly.
There’s not a sound, not even a whisper.
I watch as it descends towards the hard concrete floor.
I’m tempted to try and rescue it,
But I would be the wrong person to even try.
As it hits the floor, it shatters and explodes.
The pieces are every where.
The silence is broken into a painful cry.
The warmth turns cold, soon the light fades into a never-ending darkness.
I clench my chest, it’s gone.
bradass at 8/11/2005 11:04:00 PM
Give me hope please..
I had a relaxed national day, just ran errands with eldon, then proceeded to go hang with lee lee. Rented a buncha movies. It was nice just taking it easy.
Today it dawned on me how lonely I am. And that I’m indulging in a single life style. I miss being in a proper relationship. So much of me misses having someone to love and hold. Waking up and kissing that person as my good morning greeting. Cooking for that someone. Holding her hand and having my arm around her. The warmth of a loving hug. The butterflies in my stomach from a tender kiss, I’ve missed that so much. Sometimes when I’m around a girl, I wonder how compatible we are, and if it might work out? but thinking about getting hurt all over again, just feels like a cold awakening to whether I really wanna have someone in my life. What I once had in my heart is now gone, and I miss that. But with every passing day, I’m hoping deep down that I may find someone or that she may find me… so with a hoping heart I push on. Just that its grueling and tedious. But hope is all I have and was left with. So with that in mind, hope is all my weak heart and hands can hold on too……hope.
bradass at 8/11/2005 12:17:00 AM
Monday, August 08, 2005
Sharing chicken wings with random strangers
She puts the chicken wing in her mouth and bites down. The flavors of carbon infused with chicken pours on her taste buds. She reaches for her drink to wash down the food. Nothing tastes better than cola and bourbon on the rocks. She soon feels full from eating. She continues to drink, one after another. Soon enough she gathers the courage to speak her mind and slump over the table seductively. She asks me to marry her. In the heat of the moment, and being a good host, I reply, “HELL NO!” haha
Bbq and drunkards are the best mix. Random people drinking and eating at my house. All in the name of national day and a pre birthday party for my English cousins. To sum things up into a short blog, I’d say it was fun. Cheers…
bradass at 8/08/2005 12:16:00 AM
uncle brad
Cute lil hands, soft skin, the sweetest most innocent eyes and soft hair. My nephew is so adorable. I went over to daphne’s for dinner to see my newly born nephew. He’s such a sweet lil boy. It melts my heart to see him. I have such a soft spot for children. Almost can’t wait to have my own. It amazes me, how old I’m getting each day. I’m an uncle now and sooner or later probably a dad. (hopefully a planned child). But yea, seeing my cousins on my dad’s side was nice. However their dry and rather sadistic humor isn’t quite as enjoyable. I hope it doesn’t rub off on my lil nephew. Daniel and Irene are getting hitched and dad will be here for the wedding. I haven’t seen my father since I left for NS. So It’s gonna be exciting to see him at the end of the month.
Had duty on Sunday, 0430 Hrs was my reporting time. For those who don’t know 2400HR clocks, its 4.30 am. So me, jerry, farhan and Raymond stayed out till duty. Lan gaming was so much fun. Just getting back at each other round after round. In a very sinister way, I don’t know how shooting each other and blowing each others head off can be so addictive?
Interestingly enough I saw president narthan while on duty at the istana. (he’s really short in real life) It was open house at the istana and the cops had to babysit the event. It was so cute when this small boy came up to me and asked me whether my gun was real. I remember the days my parents use to point at the policeman on patrol and tell me that If I was naughty he would take me away. Off course irony of life sets in and now I’m the cop people point at. After a gruling day of work I came home and passed out.
The cousins from London came in on Sunday night. So we all met up and it was great just hanging out with lee lee and jade. Lee is about his dad’s size now, jade has filled out. Everyone just looks so grown up. Feel so old and out dated sometimes. Well anyhow got to go. Hope everyone has a good national day.
bradass at 8/08/2005 12:15:00 AM
Saturday, August 06, 2005
msg to echo volleyballers
hey guys, i've posted some pictures on my blog already, however i've uploaded the rest of the 320 odd pictures onto a website - snapfish.com
but i need to add you guys in order for you to see it, so please email me at,
dirtyoldman2@Hotmail.com or msn me. so that i can approve your access. thanks guys. and have a good weekend.
bradass at 8/06/2005 01:04:00 PM
kao jai mai ?
irony of life - work floods in at the last hour of a seemingly calm work day.
anyhow, after work i came home and had dinner. then got persuaded to go to km8 with some friends. it was awesome, the calm breeze blowing up onto the bar and sand between my toes. such a relaxing and calming feeling to the soul. it was nice just chatting and having a drink with my friends. met a new friend today, she's from the land down under. its so surreal sometimes, just hanging out with my friends and having a drink on the beach. almost a lil too much to take in all at once. firstly i have to calm my inner child coz a part of me just wants to roll around in the sand, then off course i have to tame the beer beast by sipping on a wonderful tasty guiness. and while doing these 2 tasks, i have to seem somewhat intellectual so i can hold a decent convo with everyone around me. nevertheless it was very pleasant having a beer on the beach.
after that, i headed down to corelian to join sean, pat, song, chai and maddie. ok firstly, i think maddie is the funniest most vulgar little girl ever! her zest reminds me of my sister's. esp when a song that she likes is played by the dj. she jumps up in excitement, lips the words and does cute lil actions to complement the song. its a joy seeing her taking such enjoyment to a song. pat and sean on the other hand were hanging out, ahhhh, its a wonderous thing. me, chai and song were digesting a strong concoction of loud rock and beer. i must say that it went down quite smoothly. the night ends with the dj obviously playing slow ballads as well as the super duperly hott tranny's clearing up the empty bottles. ( ahhh...171) then we step outside to join avis who is promptly waiting for maddie. how i wished i could have my car again, its a real convience to be able to drive.
the necessities of a adult - a goddam car.
then after parting our ways, chai kindly drove pat home. off course me and chai took the car around the corner and left pat and sean alone. sean being the gentlemen he is, escorts pat to her doorstep. me and chai chuckle over the prank to be pulled. off course when sean returns to find out the car is gone along with his compadres, he shits a brick and starts dialling my cell.
* it is the 7th month, plenty of spooks running around. and being marooned under a HDB by your pals....yea...that would make me panic...just a lil...just a lil...*
so we double back and picked sean up and head down to pasir ris. it was interesting meeting chai's thai friends. it was sonny's bday so i wished him a happy bday before gouging myself with the bbq chicken wings muahaha. i love thai girls...with a passion. all the girls at the party were ridiculous cute and hott. and when pat and her friend offered to cook my chicken wings for me, even for knowing them for no more then 5 minutes, just makes me wanna get hitched to a thai girl even more! haha...so yea...got back at bout 0545 and passed out....
fact of life - you can't always get...whatcha want.
bradass at 8/06/2005 11:37:00 AM
Friday, August 05, 2005
jay-o-bee
alas, some quiet time within my hectic day. finally got back to the daily grind of the jay-o-bee ( job). it was surreal after being on course for 3 days. had a number of things on my list to complete and my boss doesn't help when she throws more things into my juggling act. however with some effort, i managed to accomplish most of my work. went for training, off course i got the shit kicked outta me again. came home and had some fruits to tame the hunger. watched a lil telly, and now i'm starting to feel tired....somehow the sad lyrics of damien rice permeate my brain. spencer was right ...this is some sad shit to listen to..lol. however, i'm looking forward to the weekend. although its gonna be a 1 day weekend for me since i've got work on sunday. but i'm looking forward to spending time with my newly born nephew. and maybe trying to squeeze a round of golf if i can. well ok time to retire for the night ....gonna lie down and let damien rice put me to rest....goodnight ....
bradass at 8/05/2005 12:40:00 AM
Thursday, August 04, 2005
someday
my body aches, its been a rather peaceful night just spending it with myself. the television occupies my time and somehow turns me into a typical coach potato. just resting in my army tee and muay thai shorts brings me to a peaceful state. so much has passed over the few monthes in this place. so much i've gone through. i'm grateful for this painful growth in my life. its truly awaken me to a certain extent. the night fills with a calm humid feeling. the lyrics of dashboard fill my ears. my weary body tells me that it needs rest, but my mind carries on into deep thought of my life and where i am now. how can i deny the fact that i've fallen so far from where i use to be. i use to be cheery, the life of the party, the guy people would come to for advice. But somehow that has dwindled down to self pity and an empty feeling. How do i fill this void? time and time i try to push forward into the neverending struggle of becoming the person i use to be. but the further i try, the more i'm painfully reminded of her and the pain. someone save me..please..its like space, no matter how loud i scream or shout for help, i just keep drifting into the deep black silent void. ....so until then, i'll just have to keep pushing, and maybe someday i will find that happiness again...someday....
bradass at 8/04/2005 12:38:00 AM
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
painful reminders
ah ha ! yes! this sunday the 31st of july was the first sunday in awhile since i've attended church. maybe it was the guilt that finally kicked in. or the fact that i might have been a better christian in the pass. or that i missed my dear church friends. or i longed to hear pastor quek drone and drone over senselessly old and rigid christian ethics. anyhow being in church was wonderful, and off course everyone wondered how the hell i got so bloody dark and look like a malay. doesn't suprise me at all.
(side track) It was so cute to see the look on my bosses face when she said "aiyo! what happen to my brad! so tan!" plus she's kinda got a motherly ora around her and that she has one of the most wholesome cutest smile ever...when i have a photo of her i shall post it ....
ok back to church, so yes, being in church was wonderful, then i was quickly and suddenly reminded of the pain when i saw someone. like a hammer suddenly taken to my heart, i could feel and hear the break. i'm lucky my church friends didn't see it. But yea, i hope that in time i would be able to let go and not be as hurt as i am. I feel like shrinking into my shell of self pity and be a grumpy old drunk for the rest of my life. but then again, that just wouldn't be my style. (read eldon's blog to know what i mean).
it amazes me most to think that even now, after walking down that road myself for so long. that when i turn around to take a look, that hurt and that pain is still there. gosh! and plus just when you think you're crawling outta this screwed up hole of misery and self pity. the person that i somewhat like ...just kicks me away insignificantly. sigh. is it me ? or is this just life? such a cliche and yet another irony to life.
anyhow, saw my cousin off, it sucks to be a trainee, *Reminisce*. then went over to sean's to have dinner and watch a couple of movies. funny how i bumped into Lucy from the volleyball team. I never thought i would see anyone from the team aside from practice. its just weirdly funny, coz when she saw me, we simultaneously asked each other, "oi! what are u doing here?" hahaha. it was cute. plus she's such a small little girl too. and i'm a giant in comparison. (she has a twin). after some convo with her, she then explained to me how her bf lives nearby and they were just buying some micky dees.
after bidding her fairwell, sean exclaimed how impossible it would be to get intimidated by her as a police officer due to her size. But i'm sure it would be a totally different story if she geared up with a baton and a gun. So u'd know if she was gonna woop the living shit outta you. haha. But yea, it makes me wonder whether people have different perceptions of me in uniform and outta uniform. hmm. oh well ..thats something else to ponder over. anyhow...its late once again and i shall retire now...night world...
bradass at 8/02/2005 01:21:00 AM
