Tuesday, August 02, 2005
painful reminders
ah ha ! yes! this sunday the 31st of july was the first sunday in awhile since i've attended church. maybe it was the guilt that finally kicked in. or the fact that i might have been a better christian in the pass. or that i missed my dear church friends. or i longed to hear pastor quek drone and drone over senselessly old and rigid christian ethics. anyhow being in church was wonderful, and off course everyone wondered how the hell i got so bloody dark and look like a malay. doesn't suprise me at all.
(side track) It was so cute to see the look on my bosses face when she said "aiyo! what happen to my brad! so tan!" plus she's kinda got a motherly ora around her and that she has one of the most wholesome cutest smile ever...when i have a photo of her i shall post it ....
ok back to church, so yes, being in church was wonderful, then i was quickly and suddenly reminded of the pain when i saw someone. like a hammer suddenly taken to my heart, i could feel and hear the break. i'm lucky my church friends didn't see it. But yea, i hope that in time i would be able to let go and not be as hurt as i am. I feel like shrinking into my shell of self pity and be a grumpy old drunk for the rest of my life. but then again, that just wouldn't be my style. (read eldon's blog to know what i mean).
it amazes me most to think that even now, after walking down that road myself for so long. that when i turn around to take a look, that hurt and that pain is still there. gosh! and plus just when you think you're crawling outta this screwed up hole of misery and self pity. the person that i somewhat like ...just kicks me away insignificantly. sigh. is it me ? or is this just life? such a cliche and yet another irony to life.
anyhow, saw my cousin off, it sucks to be a trainee, *Reminisce*. then went over to sean's to have dinner and watch a couple of movies. funny how i bumped into Lucy from the volleyball team. I never thought i would see anyone from the team aside from practice. its just weirdly funny, coz when she saw me, we simultaneously asked each other, "oi! what are u doing here?" hahaha. it was cute. plus she's such a small little girl too. and i'm a giant in comparison. (she has a twin). after some convo with her, she then explained to me how her bf lives nearby and they were just buying some micky dees.
after bidding her fairwell, sean exclaimed how impossible it would be to get intimidated by her as a police officer due to her size. But i'm sure it would be a totally different story if she geared up with a baton and a gun. So u'd know if she was gonna woop the living shit outta you. haha. But yea, it makes me wonder whether people have different perceptions of me in uniform and outta uniform. hmm. oh well ..thats something else to ponder over. anyhow...its late once again and i shall retire now...night world...
bradass at 8/02/2005 01:21:00 AM